Instead of having the traditional awkward “omgthisismyfirstentry” entry, I’m just going to dive right in. I’ll go into the point of my blog during my next post but I’m going to start with a modified version of a recent Facebook post/rant I went on which was inspired by this blog post that went viral: 23 Things To Do Instead of Getting Engaged Before You’re 23. This caught my eye because this past June at the age of 23, yours truly got engaged!
First off, the air of pretentiousness is this entry is laughable. And the bold statements that those who got engaged “young” are merely “coping-out” and are using their significant other as a “safety blanket” because they can’t deal with the “big and scary” world are beyond ridiculous. Does this happen? Sure it does. Is it running rampant and ruining young adulthood and marriage for all who endure? Negative.
The writer also points out inexperience; inexperience with “dating, traveling, risks, higher education, career direction, SEX (blogger wrote in caps), solitude, religious exploration, etc…” No I haven’t dated many different guys. I got lucky and found the man I wanted to be with forever at 19 (although I didn’t know it at the time). Before that I was in a serious 2 year relationship. Although looking back on that relationship I now see it wasn’t an ideal one, I am thankful for the experience. In fact, one of the reasons I got dumped was because I wasn’t ready to marry him. I feel it’s about quality relationships, not quantity. I’m sure if I was single tomorrow I could find a date. I’m not saying that to sound cocky but to point out that if one is looking for a date or a relationship, they aren’t that hard to find. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Some are sharks, others are piranhas, some are bottom feeders, and others are Angler Fish. They have that endearing shiny light that brings you in and then BAM! Hello crazy ugly scary fish.
I haven’t traveled much. Would I like to? Sure, but I’m too busy working and paying for that higher education she mentioned. Career direction-honestly I have no idea what I want to do with my career. What I do know is that if possible I would like to be a stay at home mom when I have kids. I can’t think of any other career more rewarding. As for sex you should read the studies on what lots of sex does to a young woman’s self esteem and how it effects both husband and wife later in marriage if one or both has had many partners. Why is slutting around something I need to do? Call me strange but having sex with a husband who loves me sounds way better than casual sex with some drunk guy who smells like cheese just to rack up my sexual scorecard. As for religious exploration I know bits and pieces of other religions sure but I am very happy with my religion although I don’t really like the term “religion”. Exploring deeper into other religions when one is satisfied where they are is like continuing to search for buried treasure after you’ve already dug it up and relished in your spoils. I get a lot out of my faith in many ways. My church family rocks too. I look forward to every Sunday just to hang out and learn from and with them.
The entry goes on to say that “you owe it to yourself” to “Do. Freaking. Something…other than “settle down” at 23″ and “You are a human being that deserves to thrive inside AND outside of a relationship.” Uhh, wait I’m not thriving? I had no idea. Actually I do a lot of thriving inside and outside my relationship with my fiancé Jeff. Here’s a zinger. We don’t live together and won’t until we’re hitched. Perhaps that’s an issue. Too often young couples are all gung-ho about shacking up without the commitment of marriage. I’ve had people look at me like I have 3 heads when they find out that I don’t live with my fiancé, Will things change once we do live together? Absolutely! But the kicker is that we are committed and we don’t have that fail safe mentality that if it doesn’t work we can just break up and move on. We’re so committed that we don’t need or want a test run. This also gives us the chance to have a life separate of each other as we prepare to marry. Our relationship is awesome like that. I’ll also add that if you find yourself in a relationship where you’re up their behind the whole time or vice versa you should probably reevaluate.
Then this gem of a sentence comes in, “But then I realize that those friends [under 23 getting hitched] are going to get knocked up and fat soon sssoooo in retrospect, who really is winning here?” Does this blogger realize that pregnancy means that a human baby is growing inside of a person? Sure they gain weight but I don’t know anyone that thinks pregnancy weight and getting fat are synonymous.
Not everyone has honeymoon babies either. Jeff and I certainly aren’t planning on having kids right off and when we do you better believe I’m going to work hard to get rid of any baby weight that may hang out after delivery. There is something so beautiful about a pregnant woman and her glow. I’ve never looked at a pregnant woman, gawked at her “fat”, and felt better about my bod. That just sounds like an ugly personality to me. Oh and “winning”? I didn’t realize this was a competition. Although if that is how you look at life then I can assure you, you will lose.
Now to the list with my commentary:
1. Get a passport.-I’ll be getting one this month to go on our honeymoon, destination TBD.
2. Find your “thing.”-I’ve been trying to find that “thing” but I’m not going to put my life on hold because I have yet to discover it. Actually I’ve had “things” in the past. I will have “things” in the future. They will constantly change and evolve. I’m excited to see what those “things” may be. Maybe being an awesome wife will be one of my “things.”
3. Make out with a stranger.-I get the whole “YOLO” thing and I may be old fashioned but I like to get to know someone before sticking my tongue down their throat.
4. Adopt a pet.-I adopted a hamster in the 3rd grade. His name was affectionately. Clumsy Carl.
5. Start a band.-I would so start one if I had any musical ability what-so-ever. I suppose I could play the cowbell. More cowbell.
6. Make a cake. Make a second cake. Have your cake and eat it too.-Wait, I thought you didn’t want to be fat?
7. Get a tattoo. It’s more permanent than a marriage.-Would you put a bumper sticker on a Ferrari? Actually I would get a tattoo if I could think of something that had enough meaning that I would enjoy it forever.
8. Explore a new religion.-See above.
9. Start a small business.-Well I sell Thirty One. Does that count?
10.Cut your hair.-Cut my own hair?! Yikes.
11. Date two people at once and see how long it takes to blow up in your face.-Yeah because messing with 2 guys emotions is totes mature and considerate. Another thought, if this was on a male’s blog he would be attacked and called a pig. No doubt there would be comments such as “ugh all men are the same”, “men can’t be trusted”, etc.
12. Build something with your hands.-Do sandcastles count?
13. Accomplish a Pinterest project.-I’ll probably be doing some for my wedding.
14. Join the Peace Corps.-Ain’t nobody got time for that.
15. Disappoint your parents.-Why would I want to do this intentionally? And who hasn’t disappointed their parents at one point or another?
16. Watch GIRLS, over and over again.-Never seen it. Have no desire to. Seems like a waste of time to watch one show over and over again. Especially when busy with the whole Peace Corps thing
17. Eat a jar of Nutella in one sitting.-I’m sure between Jeff and I we have come close. Also, I thought we were trying to not be fat?
18. Make strangers feel uncomfortable in public places.-Done. On a daily basis.
19. Sign up for CrossFit.-Ain’t nobody got time or energy for that. Especially after eating all that cake and Nutella.
20. Hangout naked in front of a window.-What would that accomplish other than rubber necking and awkward exchanges with neighbors? I’ll hang out naked with my husband though!
21. Write your feelings down in a blog.-Hey look what I can do!
22. Be selfish.-I’ve done selfish things sure. But it’s not a way I want to consciously live my life.
23. Come with me to the Philippines for Chinese New Year.-Thanks but no thanks 🙂
Finally I do think young people need to learn what marriage is all about. Today’s culture has the definition of marriage terribly skewed. It’s not to fill a void. It’s not to meet a need. Digging into what marriage really is can be blogged about at another time. By all means lean to be who you are before tying the knot. Different people are ready to be married at different times. Did I mention Jeff is 7 years older than me? Age is just a number. Life is exciting and personally I can’t wait to experience what life has to offer with Jeff by my side. We will have been together 4 years in April and will be husband and wife in May. I will be 24 by then with no regrets and sharing a big jar of Nutella with my husband. Heck maybe we’ll even be naked.
Standing Inside The Fire 