If you’re anything like me you’ve wasted (thoroughly enjoyed) many hours of your life watching wedding themed shows; Say Yes To The Dress, Four Weddings, Bridezillas, and any show with David Tutera. It’s a common saying in these shows that, “it’s all about the bride” and the dress is of course a huge focus. How can it not with brides are dropping $10k on them?
Bridezillas of course is dramatized to the max and the man is often treated like trash but that’s what you get with many of today’s “reality” shows. It’s also common to see uber controlling brides who make statements such as “it’s my day so I want things my way” and “I can’t have my bridesmaids looking better than me.” ME ME ME!
When did weddings become so bride-centric? It’s certainly one thing for reality TV to glorify the bride and her stupid-expensive dress but another when the most recognizable name in wedding dresses runs a commercial like this:
It starts off innocently enough. Rare is the wedding guest dying to see what the groom is wearing since a tux is usually just a tux and if you’ve seen one you’ve seen them all. And it’s likely there are fewer tears shed for the groom than the bride. Although many cry out of sheer joy at the union taking place.
Then he says it, “I’m the invisible man” and that is not OK. No groom should ever feel invisible. It’s just as much his day as it is hers. The groom is not just a cog in the wheel. He’s an equal partner and the leading man in this wonderful day and all the days following.
“Because let’s face it, the wedding is all about the bride.”
This mentality needs to stop. Weddings need to stop being glorified as a big party to showcase the bride and her overpriced outfit that she will only wear that one day. Maybe if couples took the time to learn what marriage was all about they wouldn’t jump on the chance for the big party. It’s serious stuff and it includes the bride AND the groom.
The commercial goes on to say, “And for the bride, it’s all about the dress.”
Which bride? Certainly not me and all the brides I know. For us it’s about marrying the man of our dreams. The one we want to be with until death do us part. It’s about celebrating our union in the company of our best friends and family.
So David’s Bridal, I highly suggest you reevaluate your marketing strategy. Actually I’d reevaluate a lot since I have been in your store and it certainly could use some drastic improvements but I digress.
I got a BEAUTIFUL dress (not from David’s) and I love it. Plus I got an amazing deal on it so bonus points there. This Tuesday I’m bringing it in for alterations and I’m stoked to see the final product. I’m even more stoked to see Jeff as I walk down the aisle, the fun and dancing with our loved ones after, the honeymoon at a to be determined location, and the journey we have ahead of us as husband and wife.
Weddings are fun but we brides, grooms, family, and friends should remember exactly why we gather to celebrate. Marriage is a union sanctified by God and that’s really awesome. So let’s all celebrate. Celebrate the bride. Celebrate the entirely visible groom. Celebrate the vows being made. Admire the jaw dropping dress. And stuff your face with cake.
“About Me” pages can only go so far letting people know who you are. I feel like music and the songs a person identifies with are incredibly telling of who a person is and the experiences they have gone through. I’ve put together a list of songs that hold some sort of meaning to me. The songs may have lyrics or a theme that has meaning, or they may have just been popular during a certain time period and whenever I hear them I go back…
…Baby One More Time-Britney Spears
One of my very first CDs. As a girl of the 90’s I was pretty much required to own that album.
Blue-Eiffel 65
I had this jam on my Now 4 CD. Hearing this brings me back to sleepovers with my childhood bff’s. We weren’t the boy-band type. We rocked to this and a Radio Disney CD. Because we were that cool.
Two Houses-Matthew West
Grab your tissues. My parents got divorced and this song is everything. Every single word. I think anyone who has experienced their parents splitting can relate to this in one way or another.
Because of You-Kelly Clarkson
As I get older more things make me cry. This was the first music video that ever made me cry. Not even a movie had done that. The emotional energy in this song is spot on.
I Knew I Loved You-Savage Garden
Let’s get cheesy. In my area the local YMCA used to have monthly dances for the teens in the county so it was the perfect way to meet cute boys from other schools! My school (K-8) had just under 200 kids. When I was around 12 I met a boy from another school and he became my “boyfriend” and in my mind this was our song. Oh to be young and naive again…!
AM to PM-Christina Millian
This song brings me right back to those dances mentioned above. To me it’s basically against the law to listen to this song quietly, same rule applies to Yeah by, Usher. It needs to be loud and I need to dance! Oh and the way we all danced during those days was insanely inappropriate. Why weren’t we stopped?!
Beautiful Disaster-Jon McLaughlin
Oh the complex feels of being a 17 girl. If you were never a 17 year old girl this is pretty good insight on what it was like. “She would change everything, everything just ask her. Caught in the in between a beautiful disaster…”
Across The Nation-Union Underground
Growing up I used to watch WWF with my parents. When they divorced and we moved I got out of watching it. Then in my teen years my dad got tickets to a house show for the whole family to go to. I decided to watch again so I had some idea of who the newer wrestlers were and what was going on. Aaaaannd…..I was hooked. I was obsessed really. It’s kind of embarrassing and kind of not because it was one of the few things I was really into during my teen years. In 2005 I even won tickets off the radio to see a show which was one of the highlights of those years. The Undertaker and Randy Orton were the main event. My hot pink bedroom was covered with wrestling posters. The video I used isn’t the actual whole song but the old RAW intro.
The Time is Now-John Cena
Here comes my big celebrity crush of those years. I had a lot of his memorabilia including a spinning chain necklace. I even rocked out to his rap CD. This song was his intro music on WWE and he’s the one rapping of course. I haven’t religiously watched wrestling in years but if I ever did meet John Cena I would probably still turn to mush. Muscles for days…*swoon*
Awake and Alive-Skillet
I actually got out of WWE because I got a serious boyfriend and no longer had 5 hours a week to spend watching wrestling. We were together for 2 years. He was my first love and he dumped me a few days before a highly anticipated concert to see our favorite band Skillet, along with Puddle of Mudd and Shinedown. I bought tickets for my family for Christmas and for my boyfriend and I to meet Skillet backstage. After getting dumped I ended up giving the VIP ticket to my brother. This song came on and I had heard it a million times but this time it spoke to me in an incredibly profound way. I actually did a project on this experience in a communications class and my classmates seemed to think it was pretty cool. “I’m awake I’m alive Now I know what I believe inside Now it’s my time I’ll do what I want ’cause this is my life here (right here), right now (right now) I’ll stand my ground and never back down I know what I believe inside I’m awake and I’m alive…” This was a major turning point for me.
Circle of Fifths-Milkman
I had started college just a few weeks before getting dumped. I lived on campus half the week and came home to work the other half. That semester was amazing, some of the best months of my life. I grew a lot and finally felt like I fit in somewhere. That I was accepted. I made some of the best friends I could ask for and this song (as well as some Disney jams) make me think of them and those days instantly.
Last To Know-Three Days Grace
My ex ended up popping back up into my life wanting me back. Long story short I hopped on a whirlwind roller coaster in an attempt to first rebuild a friendship only to be dropped again, for someone else. I spent a lot of time in the car listening to really loud rock music as a coping skill and this song was wonderful for that. I’d crank the songs loud and belt them out with all I had. This song starts out describing the pain of being left, being blindsided, and then at the end flips it to an empowering message of being ok, “I’ll be the first to say That now I’m okay And for the first time I’ve opened up my eyes This was my worst love You’ll be the first to go And when she leaves you for dead You’ll be the last to know.” Bonus points that I saw these guys on Valentines Day that year.
Never Again-Kelly Clarkson
There seriously couldn’t have been a more fitting song for my situation for a number of reasons: 1. The lyrics perfectly described my attitude towards my ex when I flipped from hurt and mad to absolutely fed up with the games and the bull. I was done. I was over it. I moved on. And it was an incredibly liberating experience! 2. Kelly Clarkson and I share the same birthday 3. He (my ex) had an old mustang he was/is restoring
Yearn-Shane & Shane
You may not know this but I’m involved with the youth ministry at my church. It’s awesome. I’ve been blessed enough to be able to go to the Simply Youth Ministry Conference (SYMC) twice once in Chicago (my first time flying!) and once in Louisville (roadtrip!!!) The awesomeness of that weekend conference has to be experienced to be appreciated. Shane and Shane led worship for the evening sessions and let me tell ya, these guys are good. This song was one that they played a few times and is super powerful. When I hear this song or a few others by them I’m right back in General Session! And yes the song is more on the toned down serious side but don’t even begin to think that’s the entire tone of the conference. Like I said, it needs to be experienced.
Love Stinks-Adam Sandler
Bonus song! The Wedding Singer is my all time favorite movie 🙂
Anything But Ordinary-Avril Lavigne
Let Go was Avril’s first album and is still one of my favorites. This song is one that is just close to my heart. It’s light, fun, and true “Let down your defenses Use no common sense If you look you will see that this world is a beautiful accident turbulent succulent opulent permanent, no way I wanna taste it Don’t wanna waste it away…”
Who Am I Living For?-Katy Perry
Many people probably don’t realize that Katy Perry is a PK (pastor’s kid) and used to be a Christian Artist. I think it’s sort of a crime this song wasn’t made a single because it’s amazing and addresses the question, who am I living for? Myself? Or Christ? The song also addresses the struggle of being chosen for something, for seeing the path you need to go and how easily we can be tempted to go the other way. “It’s never easy to be chosen, never easy to be called Standing on the front line when the bombs start to fall I can see the heavens but I still hear the flames Calling out my name I can see the writing on the wall I can’t ignore this war At the eh-end of it all Who am I living for?”
The Day Before You-Matthew West
All those days, those struggles I went through before getting together with Jeff were so worth it. This song sums that up.
Best Day Of My Life-American Authors
Thanks to Pandora I heard this song before it really blew up and immediately my brain was like, “YOU MUST DO A WEDDING VIDEO TO THIS SONG!” I have a tendency to make up music videos in my head and I certainly did that with a personal touch for this song. I plan to attempt this by having my camera on hand to capture some moments and may give it to someone for the ceremony. I just really wish I could upload the video that’s already in my brain because it would probably go viral and get millions of views and maybe I could make some money off it and pay for my dang wedding!
Count On Me-Default
This is my happy song. I dare you to listen to it and not feel good.
Rock Show-Halestorm
I’m a concert junkie. Well not really because I won’t go to just any concert. But when I do go I HAVE to be near the front. If it’s general admission I will show up stupid early to fight my way to the front. If it’s an assigned seating thing I will be online the moment they go on sale. This philosophy has paid off too. I’ve gotten a broken drum stick, guitar pic, towel, and a number of high fives from different artists. Manafest even stole my camera from the stage and took pics with it. “Little girl You like it loud Come alive in the middle of a crowd You wanna scream You wanna shout Get excited when the lights go down At the rock show You’ll be right in the front row Heart and soul, they both know It’s where you gotta be…”
Love Never Fails-Brandon Heath
On May 3rd this will be the song to mine and Jeff’s first dance as husband and wife!
I’m sure there are more I could add but this list sums it up pretty well. What songs would be on your life’s playlist?
Every time I see someone write a blog out of complete and utter ignorance especially when it’s painfully obvious that they’re just desperate for someone to validate their own lifestyle choices, I have to fight back vomit.
Hello and welcome to my 2nd post that is a rant inspired by another blog! My first of course was in response to the “23 Things To Do Instead of Getting Engaged Before You’re 23” and if you’re interested you can check it out here.
First as a disclaimer, I am NOT a mother and don’t plan to be for a few years and yes will be a wife in a few months.
Let’s break it down shall we? This woman appears to identify herself as a feminist. More power to her. I enjoy voting, working for equal pay, and such. Feminists advocate for equal treatment of women in all areas of life. Girl Power.
So why is it so wrong for a female to not want that lucrative career, the power, the corporate ladder? Isn’t it enough that we have that option? In the 2nd paragraph this blogger seems to have gained some inspiration from the blogger from my last rant in thinking that life is a competition. She says, “Do people really think that a stay at home mom is really on equal footing with a woman who works and takes care of herself?” I’m all for female equality I think it’s awesome that some women take advantage of the option to work and pursue the career of their dreams. I think it’s equally as awesome that some women have the option to tend to the home and raise her children while the husband is the primary breadwinner. And who says this stay at home mom (SAHM) isn’t taking care of herself? Yes it happens sometimes. A mom gets burnt out. She may stick to the sweats and ponytails and leg shaving plummets do the bottom of the priority list. Career women can also fall into a rut of not taking care of themselves although it may not be as obvious. Perhaps more of a mental burnout.
Yes having kids and getting married are milestones. Dictonary.com defines a milestone as; “a significant event or stage in the life, progress, development, or the like of a person, nation, etc” I may be alone here but I don’t think things such as baby and bridal showers are thrown to hold up some huge accomplishment. Yeah most people are able to “get knocked up or find someone to walk down the aisle with.” Those events are wonderful and happy and should be celebrated, especially since some are denied that luxury (of having children) due to health reasons. I dare this woman to walk up to a couple who has gone through a handful of miscarriages and say that their newest pregnancy that is expected to live isn’t something to be celebrated. Humans have celebrations. They have since the beginning. Why rain on them? A baby is a new LIFE. To me that’s a pretty extraordinary thing to celebrate regardless of the fact that hundreds of thousands of babies are born in the world every single day. A marriage is a sacred commitment that is well deserving of a get-together. Those that get the seriousness of that union understand the reason to celebrate something so awesome.
I would hardly say that getting married and having children is “nothing.” They still have the option to do anything but they are content in their life as a wife and mother. Actually, backup a second…I don’t like the word content as it implies settling which I don’t think they’re doing. I think that option is awesome. Who knows, one SAHM’s destiny could be to raise the next President.
If this blogger wants to throw a shower for a woman who backpacks on her own through Asia I say go for it. I wouldn’t want to do anything like that alone. To me it would be way more rewarding to share the experience with something else. But that’s just me. And I can understand the empowerment, self awareness and self discovery one can get from an experience like that. Remember, we women can do what we want right? It is 2014 after all. I don’t think anyone’s going to poo-poo the party idea. To the blogger, they may poo-poo your lifestyle but hey that’s what you’re doing to a huge population of women. Women are notorious for making things an unspoken competition and talking behind each other’s backs. They are talking and they will continue. But if you’re happy why does it matter? Why rain on someone else’s parade with judgments? It’s unbecoming.
If a woman is going for a dream job, wanting to travel, or get a promotion I’m all for it and I wouldn’t think anything less of her for doing so. I’m so sick of this trend that all (insert demographic here) need to act/think/behave one way in order to win at life. Success and exceptionality are subjective. So is happiness.
The next part of the blog made me laugh. Check it out, “I hear women talk about how ‘hard’ it is to raise kids and manage a household all the time. I never hear men talk about this. It’s because women secretly like to talk about how hard managing a household is so they don’t have to explain their lack of real accomplishments. Men don’t care to ‘manage a household.’ They aren’t conditioned to think stupid things like that are ‘important.'” First, neither her or I have kids so neither of us really have grounds to comment on the difficulty of raising them. But from my perspective it certainly doesn’t look easy especially on top of keeping up on household duties. Also this woman apparently hasn’t talked to many men or understand men too much. Men don’t typically come right out and talk about things like that but I know many, who if asked directly, would be more than happy to tell you how difficult it is as well as how rewarding it is. As far as a “real accomplishment” goes, who’s to judge one’s accomplishments? Especially with people like the blogger who would certainly judge them at the drop of a hat, or diaper bag. I could spend my life traveling, shattering the glass ceiling, and becoming a professional something. But I can’t take those things with me when I’m 6 feet under. What I can do is leave a legacy through my kids that lives on and continues to impact the world for generations. That’s pretty cool to me. And if it’s not cool for you, that’s fine! You know why it’s fine?
Because we are women.
Because we have choices.
Because ‘MERICA.
Ok I got a little excited there. My point is you won’t further your lifestyle choice by putting down someone else’s.
I have a female PA-C. She’s young, recently got married and she’s awesome. I’m glad she has that job because I wouldn’t want it. I’m glad that I know some female engineers, I certainly couldn’t do what they do. I’m glad that I’m getting married to a man who will support me and my dreams, and do a load of laundry if I’m pooped from a day of working or going to school. I look forward to the possibility that I won’t have to work anymore and will be able to make my family and home my main focus. If that makes me average or mediocre that’s ok. I know I’ll be in great company.
Everyone has different tastes but I feel that many wedding photographers are committing a crime against brides and brides-to-be everywhere. I’m getting married in less than 4 months and hired Flaherty Photography to capture our special day. I am most definitely a budget bride so I searched high and low for photographers. I could not believe how expensive they were. I’m sorry but if I had an extra $5k-$10k hanging around it certainly wouldn’t be going towards a photographer, no matter how talented. With Flaherty I’m getting all my needs met, even an engagement session that I wasn’t even planning on, all for under $800. I also don’t have to worry about my photos being touched up to the point of “perfection” like many of the pictures in the portfolios I saw.
“Wait, what?!” you may be wondering, “don’t you want your pictures to be perfect?” Well I suppose that depends on your definition of perfect. To me, my perfect wedding photos capture the moment as they were. I love candid shots. I hate posing for pictures because I’m just not photogenic thanks to my light sensitive eyes that shut almost immediately in sunlight or flash.
Touch ups are great. I don’t really need to remember that big zit on my forehead, or that bug that flew into the shot. I even really enjoy filters and use them and basic editing in my hobby photography. I’ve done an engagement shoot. Even a wedding. My issue is that some wedding (and even children/family) photographers (and I’m sure some brides) are doing these shoots with the mentality of print perfection for public consumption. Like what you see in a magazine, or a pop star’s album cover.
Yeah so the bride may have love handles, arm flab, tummy chub, or too small/too big boobs or butt. But THAT’S WHAT THEY LOOK LIKE. I don’t want to look back on photos and share them with my future kids and grandkids and give them inaccurate images of what mom/grandma used to look like. I want them to see a confident glowing bride regardless of her imperfections.
I even stumbled upon a video on YouTube today of a clearly talented photographer and editor who was giving a tutorial on editing wedding photos. This guy was erasing the bride’s freckles. HER FRECKLES. Why do those need to go away? They’re part of the brides body and will likely always be there. And so what if they are? They’re beautiful, they’re unique, they’re awesome.
My left hand freckle is my bff.
And what messages is this sending to kids? It’s one thing to see Megan Fox on the cover of Cosmo airbrushed and morphed to increased perfect hotness but it’s another to see mom, a friend, aunt, or cousin in the same light. Especially if they preach accepting and loving your body as it is. If we don’t say/do something now Photoshop will be a pre-installed program on everyone’s laptop and we won’t recognize each other on the streets because our Facebook pictures will have way more done to them than just Instagram filters. Even now I see photos being uploaded from all walks; weddings, selfies, parties, etc. and I can’t help but laugh to myself and think, “Who are you fooling? I know what you look like, and that isn’t it.” Again I’m talking about heavy editing; airbrushing, body morphing, etc.
What do you think? Where should photographers and brides draw the line? Am I completely out of line for thinking this way?
If you’re interested in seeing some photos I captured recently check out my last post “Ice, Ice, Photo-Op“
UPDATE: 1/7/14 5:40pm: I just wanted to clarify something as some seem to be misled by what I stated in the beginning of this post. The “crime” I’m discussing has nothing to do with prices, rather the crime of capturing moments and editing them to the point of an unrealistic and unattainable perfection whether it be the photographers doing or by the bride’s request. Photography is stupid expensive for the photographer and the consumer. I love photography but don’t pursue it as a career due to the high start up and upkeep costs. If you can afford $5k for a photographer by all means go for it if that’s something you want to invest in. Like I say in my bio I’m not a writer and this blog is mostly word vomit coming out so I understand how some were confused. 😉 –Thanks for stopping by photographers and brides alike! I’ve enjoyed our discussion so far!–
Today’s “Daily Prompt” from The Daily Post was to write when and where you do your best thinking or if you’re a photographer, artist or poet, show off your best work. Well I’m not really a writer. I blog about the random things that take up space in my head. I don’t consciously take time out to think what I want to write. My blog is a bit of word vomit.
I do enjoy photography though. I don’t consider myself a professional photographer by any means. I just enjoy capturing moments and playing with Photoshop. I figured for this entry and with this crazy cold weather we’ve been having, I’d share the photos I took a couple weeks back after a big ice storm hit. As much as I dislike winter it sure can be beautiful.
I feel so blessed that I have this kind of beauty right in my backyard. Although the ice was much less attractive when it encapsulated the car…
I don’t know about you, but I’m a 90’s kid. And as a 90’s kid I knew nothing was better than the Nickelodeon TV lineup. And apparently I wasn’t the only one that felt that way since TeenNick now airs “The 90’s Are All That” at midnight and I am certainly guilty of staying up late to catch the classics such as Hey Arnold!, Rugrats, and Aaahh!!! Real Monsters. But nothing beats the classic episodes of All That and Kenan and Kel. It’s funny how it can be a decade or more since seeing episodes and I still can remember half the words.
Recently on VH1 they aired a marathon of “SNL in the ___’s” which discussed the highlights and lowlights of Saturday Night Live throughout the decades.
I watched almost the whole thing and was bummed that I missed so many good seasons and casts. Now at 23 years of age SNL is set to record on my Hoppah every Saturday night.
During the marathon on VH1 I saw way back when Lorne Michaels started the craze with the likes of Chevy Chase and John Belushi and later decades featuring Eddie Murphy, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Adam Sandler, Chris Farley, Will Ferrell, Molly Shannon, Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Jimmy Fallon, Jason Sudeikis, Kristen Wiig (I could go on and on with these notable names…) as cast members. Man did I miss out on some great comedy.
I can’t be too hard on myself though. Throughout the 90’s and early 00’s I wasn’t old enough to stay up late to watch a show that aired at 11 and I definitely wouldn’t have understood some of their pop cultural/political references. I stuck with All That back then which I often said was Saturday Night Live for kids until it ended and then “revamped” in the 00’s. But everyone knows those newer episodes were lame.
As a kid I didn’t really have a concept over who was considered a “cute boy” the boys I chased made me laugh and my celebrity crushes included the likes of Kenan and Kel and Josh Server. Imagine my squeal of excitement when Josh Server started following me on Twitter after confessing my childhood crush on him.
In my adult life that thirst for humor in friends and relationships carried on. If you don’t have a good sense of humor we probably can’t be friends and we certainly can’t date.
During mid 90’s and into the 00’s another comedy sketch comedy show was born. Anyone remember Mad TV?
Man I was depressed when that show ended in ’09. Unlike SNL I remember a lot of my peers being fans of Mad TV. I think this is because SNL wasn’t set for reruns throughout the day on Comedy Central like Mad TV was. Even though we weren’t able to stay up late to catch SNL, Mad TV was always available after school or on weekends. I still quote characters “Stuart” and “Miss Swan” from the earlier years and who didn’t like Bobby Lee’s antics in later years? Although SNL cast members have found way more notoriety post show, Mad TV did give us Alex Borstein (Family Guy, Ted) and Keegan Michael Key and Jordan Peele (Key and Peele). How would we know how to ask for a phone number without Mad TV?
I realize I’ve kind of been rambling but the point I’m getting at is that my generation was exposed to a lot of great comedy and a lot of our most favorite comedies wouldn’t be around if it weren’t from these sketch shows. Some iconic characters and sketches were so great they got movies of their own. Even Kenan and Kel got a movie deal from their All That sketch Good Burger and of course their own TV show. SNL has a good chunk of movies to their name; Blues Brothers, Wayne’s World…Superstar. You know you love Superstar and we all have a bit of Mary Katherine Gallagher inside of us.
Think of the movies we would have missed out on if Will Ferrell didn’t get a shot on SNL. Can you imagine a world without Anchorman? Stepbrothers? Old School? Elf? What about if Adam Sandler didn’t get a shot? Maybe Hanukkah still wouldn’t have an epic song or animated movie. We may have never gotten to hear Bob Barker say “Now you’ve had enough…Bitch.”
And you would never hear someone try to pronounce hipoppotamous as “Hip-Hop-Anonymous.” If you didn’t get any of those references, please, just go home.
Can we talk about Mean Girls for a second?
That certainly wouldn’t have been around. Tina Fey wrote the screenplay and Lorne Michaels (the guy we have to thank for SNL) produced it. Plus there were multiple SNL actors in supporting roles. And look what that movie did to help Rachel McAdams, Lindsay Lohan, and Amanda Seyfried’s careers! It’s almost like the butterfly effect. THIS WORLD WOULD BE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT WITHOUT POPULAR SKETCH COMEDY SHOWS.
Oh and what would viral videos be? “Lazy Sunday” by The Lonely Island was released by SNL as one of their first digital shorts and became an overnight success that gave YouTube some traction to grow into what they are today.
I could give a ton of other examples of the influence of sketch comedy but I think you get the point. So take a moment to appreciate the history of these network sketch comedy shows. Especially Saturday Night Live. Let’s also take a minute to give a standing ovation to Kenan Thompson and Taran Killam (is that his real name? Because that’s the most violent name I’ve ever heard. TEAR AND KILL ‘EM!) Kenan of course started on All That and is now a current cast member on SNL and has been for about a decade. Taran was on All That, Mad TV, and is currently on SNL.
Looking back at all of this I KNOW my sense of humor would be completely different without these shows and movies. Although some do say I have a male sense of humor. But I’m ok with that. I had a blast going to see Anchorman 2 and being the only female in the entire theater. It’s crazy to think about how different my own life would have been without these shows. The ability to make someone smile or laugh is an amazing gift and I certainly owe lots of thanks to all these amazing actors and producers maybe you do too. You stay classy internet.
“Standing Inside The Fire” sounds pretty dangerous, painful, and just plain stupid. So why is it the title to my blog? It’s not that personal, deep, or profound. It’s inspired by a song by country legend, Garth Brooks. I wouldn’t call myself a country music fan by any means but Garth Brooks holds a special place in my heart. Perhaps I’m not a country fan because none of this new “bro country” compares to the likes of Garth. Growing up, my older brother Sean and I listened to his “The Hits” album from ’94 on repeat. We spent a lot of time with our grandparents, even moving in with them after our parents split. It was one of those CDs in my grandmother’s glove box and we never grew tired of it. We knew every word to every song. I remember I even had his “Double Live” concert on cassette from ’98. From the age of 4 to 9 I lived in a house that was right across from the entrance of a campground. They would have karaoke every Saturday and my family and I used to go and 8 or 9 year old me would get up there and sing strictly Garth Brooks tunes. Of course then it was adorable but as I grew up I realized I had no singing ability whatsoever.
So back to the title of my blog, it comes from Garth’s song, “Standing Outside the Fire” which is one of my favorites. I think I even quoted it in my high school yearbook. It’s hard to believe this song is over 20 years old and is still so good. Here are the lyrics for those who aren’t familiar, take the minute to read them:
We call them cool
Those hearts that have no scars to show
The ones that never do let go
And risk the tables being turned
We call them fools
Who have to dance within the flame
Who chance the sorrow and the shame
That always comes with getting burned
But you’ve got to be tough when consumed by desire
‘Cause it’s not enough just to stand outside the fire
We call them strong
Those who can face this world alone
Who seem to get by on their own
Those who will never take the fall
We call them weak
Who are unable to resist
The slightest chance love might exist
And for that forsake it all
They’re so hell-bent on giving ,walking a wire
Convinced it’s not living if you stand outside the fire
Standing outside the fire
Standing outside the fire
Life is not tried, it is merely survived
If you’re standing outside the fire
There’s this love that is burning
Deep in my soul
Constantly yearning to get out of control
Wanting to fly higher and higher
I can’t abide
Standing outside the fire
Standing outside the fire
Standing outside the fire
Life is not tried, it is merely survived
If you’re standing outside the fire
Standing outside the fire
Standing outside the fire
Life is not tried, it is merely survived
If you’re standing outside the fire
SO GOOD RIGHT?! Every word, every line speaks to me and is a reflection of my outlook on life. Everyone gets burned, scorned, in life. But that shouldn’t keep us from getting up and trying again. “We call them weak Who are unable to resist The slightest chance love might exist And for that forsake it all…” How often do we see our Facebook friends get dumped and swear off the opposite sex and love forever? Why play it safe when you could be missing out on a wonderful opportunity?
We should all be hell-bent on giving and not be afraid to walk the wire because we’re here on this earth to thrive not merely survive. So get in that fire. It could hurt and it could leave lasting marks but, it’s worth it. I could go “under fire” for some things I write on here. For sharing my views and opinions but that’s ok. I feel that playing it safe and being liked by everyone is a huge warning sign that someone isn’t being real. You can bet I’ll be real in this blog. I may touch on controversial topics, my Christian faith, my day to day observations, and more reaction posts such as my “Engaged at 23” entry. This blog is my perspective from inside the flames of life. Won’t you join me?
I’ll end with the seemingly ancient music video for Standing Outside the Fire. With it’s early 90’s cheesy dramatics and story line I thought I’d save the video until the end after you’ve read the lyrics and found your own meaning in them. Enjoy!
Oh and the fact that Garth recently announced he was going back on tour after taking years off to raise his daughters is one of the most exciting things I’ve heard in a while. You better believe I’ll spare no expense to get front row seats if he comes to Maine. I’ll be like a 14 year old girl at a Justin Bieber concert. Long live The Garth.
Instead of having the traditional awkward “omgthisismyfirstentry” entry, I’m just going to dive right in. I’ll go into the point of my blog during my next post but I’m going to start with a modified version of a recent Facebook post/rant I went on which was inspired by this blog post that went viral: 23 Things To Do Instead of Getting Engaged Before You’re 23. This caught my eye because this past June at the age of 23, yours truly got engaged!
*excitement*
First off, the air of pretentiousness is this entry is laughable. And the bold statements that those who got engaged “young” are merely “coping-out” and are using their significant other as a “safety blanket” because they can’t deal with the “big and scary” world are beyond ridiculous. Does this happen? Sure it does. Is it running rampant and ruining young adulthood and marriage for all who endure? Negative.
The writer also points out inexperience; inexperience with “dating, traveling, risks, higher education, career direction, SEX (blogger wrote in caps), solitude, religious exploration, etc…” No I haven’t dated many different guys. I got lucky and found the man I wanted to be with forever at 19 (although I didn’t know it at the time). Before that I was in a serious 2 year relationship. Although looking back on that relationship I now see it wasn’t an ideal one, I am thankful for the experience. In fact, one of the reasons I got dumped was because I wasn’t ready to marry him. I feel it’s about quality relationships, not quantity. I’m sure if I was single tomorrow I could find a date. I’m not saying that to sound cocky but to point out that if one is looking for a date or a relationship, they aren’t that hard to find. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Some are sharks, others are piranhas, some are bottom feeders, and others are Angler Fish. They have that endearing shiny light that brings you in and then BAM! Hello crazy ugly scary fish.
I haven’t traveled much. Would I like to? Sure, but I’m too busy working and paying for that higher education she mentioned. Career direction-honestly I have no idea what I want to do with my career. What I do know is that if possible I would like to be a stay at home mom when I have kids. I can’t think of any other career more rewarding. As for sex you should read the studies on what lots of sex does to a young woman’s self esteem and how it effects both husband and wife later in marriage if one or both has had many partners. Why is slutting around something I need to do? Call me strange but having sex with a husband who loves me sounds way better than casual sex with some drunk guy who smells like cheese just to rack up my sexual scorecard. As for religious exploration I know bits and pieces of other religions sure but I am very happy with my religion although I don’t really like the term “religion”. Exploring deeper into other religions when one is satisfied where they are is like continuing to search for buried treasure after you’ve already dug it up and relished in your spoils. I get a lot out of my faith in many ways. My church family rocks too. I look forward to every Sunday just to hang out and learn from and with them.
The entry goes on to say that “you owe it to yourself” to “Do. Freaking. Something…other than “settle down” at 23″ and “You are a human being that deserves to thrive inside AND outside of a relationship.” Uhh, wait I’m not thriving? I had no idea. Actually I do a lot of thriving inside and outside my relationship with my fiancé Jeff. Here’s a zinger. We don’t live together and won’t until we’re hitched. Perhaps that’s an issue. Too often young couples are all gung-ho about shacking up without the commitment of marriage. I’ve had people look at me like I have 3 heads when they find out that I don’t live with my fiancé, Will things change once we do live together? Absolutely! But the kicker is that we are committed and we don’t have that fail safe mentality that if it doesn’t work we can just break up and move on. We’re so committed that we don’t need or want a test run. This also gives us the chance to have a life separate of each other as we prepare to marry. Our relationship is awesome like that. I’ll also add that if you find yourself in a relationship where you’re up their behind the whole time or vice versa you should probably reevaluate.
Then this gem of a sentence comes in, “But then I realize that those friends [under 23 getting hitched] are going to get knocked up and fat soon sssoooo in retrospect, who really is winning here?” Does this blogger realize that pregnancy means that a human baby is growing inside of a person? Sure they gain weight but I don’t know anyone that thinks pregnancy weight and getting fat are synonymous.
Not everyone has honeymoon babies either. Jeff and I certainly aren’t planning on having kids right off and when we do you better believe I’m going to work hard to get rid of any baby weight that may hang out after delivery. There is something so beautiful about a pregnant woman and her glow. I’ve never looked at a pregnant woman, gawked at her “fat”, and felt better about my bod. That just sounds like an ugly personality to me. Oh and “winning”? I didn’t realize this was a competition. Although if that is how you look at life then I can assure you, you will lose.
Now to the list with my commentary:
1. Get a passport.-I’ll be getting one this month to go on our honeymoon, destination TBD.
2. Find your “thing.”-I’ve been trying to find that “thing” but I’m not going to put my life on hold because I have yet to discover it. Actually I’ve had “things” in the past. I will have “things” in the future. They will constantly change and evolve. I’m excited to see what those “things” may be. Maybe being an awesome wife will be one of my “things.”
3. Make out with a stranger.-I get the whole “YOLO” thing and I may be old fashioned but I like to get to know someone before sticking my tongue down their throat.
4. Adopt a pet.-I adopted a hamster in the 3rd grade. His name was affectionately. Clumsy Carl.
5. Start a band.-I would so start one if I had any musical ability what-so-ever. I suppose I could play the cowbell. More cowbell.
6. Make a cake. Make a second cake. Have your cake and eat it too.-Wait, I thought you didn’t want to be fat?
7. Get a tattoo. It’s more permanent than a marriage.-Would you put a bumper sticker on a Ferrari? Actually I would get a tattoo if I could think of something that had enough meaning that I would enjoy it forever.
8. Explore a new religion.-See above.
9. Start a small business.-Well I sell Thirty One. Does that count?
10.Cut your hair.-Cut my own hair?! Yikes.
11. Date two people at once and see how long it takes to blow up in your face.-Yeah because messing with 2 guys emotions is totes mature and considerate. Another thought, if this was on a male’s blog he would be attacked and called a pig. No doubt there would be comments such as “ugh all men are the same”, “men can’t be trusted”, etc.
12. Build something with your hands.-Do sandcastles count?
13. Accomplish a Pinterest project.-I’ll probably be doing some for my wedding.
14. Join the Peace Corps.-Ain’t nobody got time for that.
15. Disappoint your parents.-Why would I want to do this intentionally? And who hasn’t disappointed their parents at one point or another?
16. Watch GIRLS, over and over again.-Never seen it. Have no desire to. Seems like a waste of time to watch one show over and over again. Especially when busy with the whole Peace Corps thing
17. Eat a jar of Nutella in one sitting.-I’m sure between Jeff and I we have come close. Also, I thought we were trying to not be fat?
18. Make strangers feel uncomfortable in public places.-Done. On a daily basis.
19. Sign up for CrossFit.-Ain’t nobody got time or energy for that. Especially after eating all that cake and Nutella.
20. Hangout naked in front of a window.-What would that accomplish other than rubber necking and awkward exchanges with neighbors? I’ll hang out naked with my husband though!
21. Write your feelings down in a blog.-Hey look what I can do!
22. Be selfish.-I’ve done selfish things sure. But it’s not a way I want to consciously live my life.
23. Come with me to the Philippines for Chinese New Year.-Thanks but no thanks 🙂
Finally I do think young people need to learn what marriage is all about. Today’s culture has the definition of marriage terribly skewed. It’s not to fill a void. It’s not to meet a need. Digging into what marriage really is can be blogged about at another time. By all means lean to be who you are before tying the knot. Different people are ready to be married at different times. Did I mention Jeff is 7 years older than me? Age is just a number. Life is exciting and personally I can’t wait to experience what life has to offer with Jeff by my side. We will have been together 4 years in April and will be husband and wife in May. I will be 24 by then with no regrets and sharing a big jar of Nutella with my husband. Heck maybe we’ll even be naked.
When did weddings become so bride-centric? It’s certainly one thing for reality TV to glorify the bride and her stupid-expensive dress but another when the most recognizable name in wedding dresses runs a commercial like this: 
This mentality needs to stop. Weddings need to stop being glorified as a big party to showcase the bride and her overpriced outfit that she will only wear that one day. Maybe if couples took the time to learn what marriage was all about they wouldn’t jump on the chance for the big party. It’s serious stuff and it includes the bride AND the groom.
Which bride? Certainly not me and all the brides I know. For us it’s about marrying the man of our dreams. The one we want to be with until death do us part. It’s about celebrating our union in the company of our best friends and family. 
Standing Inside The Fire 