If you’re anything like me you’ve wasted (thoroughly enjoyed) many hours of your life watching wedding themed shows; Say Yes To The Dress, Four Weddings, Bridezillas, and any show with David Tutera. It’s a common saying in these shows that, “it’s all about the bride” and the dress is of course a huge focus. How can it not with brides are dropping $10k on them?
Bridezillas of course is dramatized to the max and the man is often treated like trash but that’s what you get with many of today’s “reality” shows. It’s also common to see uber controlling brides who make statements such as “it’s my day so I want things my way” and “I can’t have my bridesmaids looking better than me.” ME ME ME!
When did weddings become so bride-centric? It’s certainly one thing for reality TV to glorify the bride and her stupid-expensive dress but another when the most recognizable name in wedding dresses runs a commercial like this:
It starts off innocently enough. Rare is the wedding guest dying to see what the groom is wearing since a tux is usually just a tux and if you’ve seen one you’ve seen them all. And it’s likely there are fewer tears shed for the groom than the bride. Although many cry out of sheer joy at the union taking place.
Then he says it, “I’m the invisible man” and that is not OK. No groom should ever feel invisible. It’s just as much his day as it is hers. The groom is not just a cog in the wheel. He’s an equal partner and the leading man in this wonderful day and all the days following.
“Because let’s face it, the wedding is all about the bride.”
This mentality needs to stop. Weddings need to stop being glorified as a big party to showcase the bride and her overpriced outfit that she will only wear that one day. Maybe if couples took the time to learn what marriage was all about they wouldn’t jump on the chance for the big party. It’s serious stuff and it includes the bride AND the groom.
The commercial goes on to say, “And for the bride, it’s all about the dress.”
Which bride? Certainly not me and all the brides I know. For us it’s about marrying the man of our dreams. The one we want to be with until death do us part. It’s about celebrating our union in the company of our best friends and family.
So David’s Bridal, I highly suggest you reevaluate your marketing strategy. Actually I’d reevaluate a lot since I have been in your store and it certainly could use some drastic improvements but I digress.
I got a BEAUTIFUL dress (not from David’s) and I love it. Plus I got an amazing deal on it so bonus points there. This Tuesday I’m bringing it in for alterations and I’m stoked to see the final product. I’m even more stoked to see Jeff as I walk down the aisle, the fun and dancing with our loved ones after, the honeymoon at a to be determined location, and the journey we have ahead of us as husband and wife.
Weddings are fun but we brides, grooms, family, and friends should remember exactly why we gather to celebrate. Marriage is a union sanctified by God and that’s really awesome. So let’s all celebrate. Celebrate the bride. Celebrate the entirely visible groom. Celebrate the vows being made. Admire the jaw dropping dress. And stuff your face with cake.
Every time I see someone write a blog out of complete and utter ignorance especially when it’s painfully obvious that they’re just desperate for someone to validate their own lifestyle choices, I have to fight back vomit.
Hello and welcome to my 2nd post that is a rant inspired by another blog! My first of course was in response to the “23 Things To Do Instead of Getting Engaged Before You’re 23” and if you’re interested you can check it out here.
First as a disclaimer, I am NOT a mother and don’t plan to be for a few years and yes will be a wife in a few months.
Let’s break it down shall we? This woman appears to identify herself as a feminist. More power to her. I enjoy voting, working for equal pay, and such. Feminists advocate for equal treatment of women in all areas of life. Girl Power.
So why is it so wrong for a female to not want that lucrative career, the power, the corporate ladder? Isn’t it enough that we have that option? In the 2nd paragraph this blogger seems to have gained some inspiration from the blogger from my last rant in thinking that life is a competition. She says, “Do people really think that a stay at home mom is really on equal footing with a woman who works and takes care of herself?” I’m all for female equality I think it’s awesome that some women take advantage of the option to work and pursue the career of their dreams. I think it’s equally as awesome that some women have the option to tend to the home and raise her children while the husband is the primary breadwinner. And who says this stay at home mom (SAHM) isn’t taking care of herself? Yes it happens sometimes. A mom gets burnt out. She may stick to the sweats and ponytails and leg shaving plummets do the bottom of the priority list. Career women can also fall into a rut of not taking care of themselves although it may not be as obvious. Perhaps more of a mental burnout.
Yes having kids and getting married are milestones. Dictonary.com defines a milestone as; “a significant event or stage in the life, progress, development, or the like of a person, nation, etc” I may be alone here but I don’t think things such as baby and bridal showers are thrown to hold up some huge accomplishment. Yeah most people are able to “get knocked up or find someone to walk down the aisle with.” Those events are wonderful and happy and should be celebrated, especially since some are denied that luxury (of having children) due to health reasons. I dare this woman to walk up to a couple who has gone through a handful of miscarriages and say that their newest pregnancy that is expected to live isn’t something to be celebrated. Humans have celebrations. They have since the beginning. Why rain on them? A baby is a new LIFE. To me that’s a pretty extraordinary thing to celebrate regardless of the fact that hundreds of thousands of babies are born in the world every single day. A marriage is a sacred commitment that is well deserving of a get-together. Those that get the seriousness of that union understand the reason to celebrate something so awesome.
I would hardly say that getting married and having children is “nothing.” They still have the option to do anything but they are content in their life as a wife and mother. Actually, backup a second…I don’t like the word content as it implies settling which I don’t think they’re doing. I think that option is awesome. Who knows, one SAHM’s destiny could be to raise the next President.
If this blogger wants to throw a shower for a woman who backpacks on her own through Asia I say go for it. I wouldn’t want to do anything like that alone. To me it would be way more rewarding to share the experience with something else. But that’s just me. And I can understand the empowerment, self awareness and self discovery one can get from an experience like that. Remember, we women can do what we want right? It is 2014 after all. I don’t think anyone’s going to poo-poo the party idea. To the blogger, they may poo-poo your lifestyle but hey that’s what you’re doing to a huge population of women. Women are notorious for making things an unspoken competition and talking behind each other’s backs. They are talking and they will continue. But if you’re happy why does it matter? Why rain on someone else’s parade with judgments? It’s unbecoming.
If a woman is going for a dream job, wanting to travel, or get a promotion I’m all for it and I wouldn’t think anything less of her for doing so. I’m so sick of this trend that all (insert demographic here) need to act/think/behave one way in order to win at life. Success and exceptionality are subjective. So is happiness.
The next part of the blog made me laugh. Check it out, “I hear women talk about how ‘hard’ it is to raise kids and manage a household all the time. I never hear men talk about this. It’s because women secretly like to talk about how hard managing a household is so they don’t have to explain their lack of real accomplishments. Men don’t care to ‘manage a household.’ They aren’t conditioned to think stupid things like that are ‘important.'” First, neither her or I have kids so neither of us really have grounds to comment on the difficulty of raising them. But from my perspective it certainly doesn’t look easy especially on top of keeping up on household duties. Also this woman apparently hasn’t talked to many men or understand men too much. Men don’t typically come right out and talk about things like that but I know many, who if asked directly, would be more than happy to tell you how difficult it is as well as how rewarding it is. As far as a “real accomplishment” goes, who’s to judge one’s accomplishments? Especially with people like the blogger who would certainly judge them at the drop of a hat, or diaper bag. I could spend my life traveling, shattering the glass ceiling, and becoming a professional something. But I can’t take those things with me when I’m 6 feet under. What I can do is leave a legacy through my kids that lives on and continues to impact the world for generations. That’s pretty cool to me. And if it’s not cool for you, that’s fine! You know why it’s fine?
Because we are women.
Because we have choices.
Because ‘MERICA.
Ok I got a little excited there. My point is you won’t further your lifestyle choice by putting down someone else’s.
I have a female PA-C. She’s young, recently got married and she’s awesome. I’m glad she has that job because I wouldn’t want it. I’m glad that I know some female engineers, I certainly couldn’t do what they do. I’m glad that I’m getting married to a man who will support me and my dreams, and do a load of laundry if I’m pooped from a day of working or going to school. I look forward to the possibility that I won’t have to work anymore and will be able to make my family and home my main focus. If that makes me average or mediocre that’s ok. I know I’ll be in great company.
“Standing Inside The Fire” sounds pretty dangerous, painful, and just plain stupid. So why is it the title to my blog? It’s not that personal, deep, or profound. It’s inspired by a song by country legend, Garth Brooks. I wouldn’t call myself a country music fan by any means but Garth Brooks holds a special place in my heart. Perhaps I’m not a country fan because none of this new “bro country” compares to the likes of Garth. Growing up, my older brother Sean and I listened to his “The Hits” album from ’94 on repeat. We spent a lot of time with our grandparents, even moving in with them after our parents split. It was one of those CDs in my grandmother’s glove box and we never grew tired of it. We knew every word to every song. I remember I even had his “Double Live” concert on cassette from ’98. From the age of 4 to 9 I lived in a house that was right across from the entrance of a campground. They would have karaoke every Saturday and my family and I used to go and 8 or 9 year old me would get up there and sing strictly Garth Brooks tunes. Of course then it was adorable but as I grew up I realized I had no singing ability whatsoever.
So back to the title of my blog, it comes from Garth’s song, “Standing Outside the Fire” which is one of my favorites. I think I even quoted it in my high school yearbook. It’s hard to believe this song is over 20 years old and is still so good. Here are the lyrics for those who aren’t familiar, take the minute to read them:
We call them cool
Those hearts that have no scars to show
The ones that never do let go
And risk the tables being turned
We call them fools
Who have to dance within the flame
Who chance the sorrow and the shame
That always comes with getting burned
But you’ve got to be tough when consumed by desire
‘Cause it’s not enough just to stand outside the fire
We call them strong
Those who can face this world alone
Who seem to get by on their own
Those who will never take the fall
We call them weak
Who are unable to resist
The slightest chance love might exist
And for that forsake it all
They’re so hell-bent on giving ,walking a wire
Convinced it’s not living if you stand outside the fire
Standing outside the fire
Standing outside the fire
Life is not tried, it is merely survived
If you’re standing outside the fire
There’s this love that is burning
Deep in my soul
Constantly yearning to get out of control
Wanting to fly higher and higher
I can’t abide
Standing outside the fire
Standing outside the fire
Standing outside the fire
Life is not tried, it is merely survived
If you’re standing outside the fire
Standing outside the fire
Standing outside the fire
Life is not tried, it is merely survived
If you’re standing outside the fire
SO GOOD RIGHT?! Every word, every line speaks to me and is a reflection of my outlook on life. Everyone gets burned, scorned, in life. But that shouldn’t keep us from getting up and trying again. “We call them weak Who are unable to resist The slightest chance love might exist And for that forsake it all…” How often do we see our Facebook friends get dumped and swear off the opposite sex and love forever? Why play it safe when you could be missing out on a wonderful opportunity?
We should all be hell-bent on giving and not be afraid to walk the wire because we’re here on this earth to thrive not merely survive. So get in that fire. It could hurt and it could leave lasting marks but, it’s worth it. I could go “under fire” for some things I write on here. For sharing my views and opinions but that’s ok. I feel that playing it safe and being liked by everyone is a huge warning sign that someone isn’t being real. You can bet I’ll be real in this blog. I may touch on controversial topics, my Christian faith, my day to day observations, and more reaction posts such as my “Engaged at 23” entry. This blog is my perspective from inside the flames of life. Won’t you join me?
I’ll end with the seemingly ancient music video for Standing Outside the Fire. With it’s early 90’s cheesy dramatics and story line I thought I’d save the video until the end after you’ve read the lyrics and found your own meaning in them. Enjoy!
Oh and the fact that Garth recently announced he was going back on tour after taking years off to raise his daughters is one of the most exciting things I’ve heard in a while. You better believe I’ll spare no expense to get front row seats if he comes to Maine. I’ll be like a 14 year old girl at a Justin Bieber concert. Long live The Garth.
Instead of having the traditional awkward “omgthisismyfirstentry” entry, I’m just going to dive right in. I’ll go into the point of my blog during my next post but I’m going to start with a modified version of a recent Facebook post/rant I went on which was inspired by this blog post that went viral: 23 Things To Do Instead of Getting Engaged Before You’re 23. This caught my eye because this past June at the age of 23, yours truly got engaged!
*excitement*
First off, the air of pretentiousness is this entry is laughable. And the bold statements that those who got engaged “young” are merely “coping-out” and are using their significant other as a “safety blanket” because they can’t deal with the “big and scary” world are beyond ridiculous. Does this happen? Sure it does. Is it running rampant and ruining young adulthood and marriage for all who endure? Negative.
The writer also points out inexperience; inexperience with “dating, traveling, risks, higher education, career direction, SEX (blogger wrote in caps), solitude, religious exploration, etc…” No I haven’t dated many different guys. I got lucky and found the man I wanted to be with forever at 19 (although I didn’t know it at the time). Before that I was in a serious 2 year relationship. Although looking back on that relationship I now see it wasn’t an ideal one, I am thankful for the experience. In fact, one of the reasons I got dumped was because I wasn’t ready to marry him. I feel it’s about quality relationships, not quantity. I’m sure if I was single tomorrow I could find a date. I’m not saying that to sound cocky but to point out that if one is looking for a date or a relationship, they aren’t that hard to find. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Some are sharks, others are piranhas, some are bottom feeders, and others are Angler Fish. They have that endearing shiny light that brings you in and then BAM! Hello crazy ugly scary fish.
I haven’t traveled much. Would I like to? Sure, but I’m too busy working and paying for that higher education she mentioned. Career direction-honestly I have no idea what I want to do with my career. What I do know is that if possible I would like to be a stay at home mom when I have kids. I can’t think of any other career more rewarding. As for sex you should read the studies on what lots of sex does to a young woman’s self esteem and how it effects both husband and wife later in marriage if one or both has had many partners. Why is slutting around something I need to do? Call me strange but having sex with a husband who loves me sounds way better than casual sex with some drunk guy who smells like cheese just to rack up my sexual scorecard. As for religious exploration I know bits and pieces of other religions sure but I am very happy with my religion although I don’t really like the term “religion”. Exploring deeper into other religions when one is satisfied where they are is like continuing to search for buried treasure after you’ve already dug it up and relished in your spoils. I get a lot out of my faith in many ways. My church family rocks too. I look forward to every Sunday just to hang out and learn from and with them.
The entry goes on to say that “you owe it to yourself” to “Do. Freaking. Something…other than “settle down” at 23″ and “You are a human being that deserves to thrive inside AND outside of a relationship.” Uhh, wait I’m not thriving? I had no idea. Actually I do a lot of thriving inside and outside my relationship with my fiancé Jeff. Here’s a zinger. We don’t live together and won’t until we’re hitched. Perhaps that’s an issue. Too often young couples are all gung-ho about shacking up without the commitment of marriage. I’ve had people look at me like I have 3 heads when they find out that I don’t live with my fiancé, Will things change once we do live together? Absolutely! But the kicker is that we are committed and we don’t have that fail safe mentality that if it doesn’t work we can just break up and move on. We’re so committed that we don’t need or want a test run. This also gives us the chance to have a life separate of each other as we prepare to marry. Our relationship is awesome like that. I’ll also add that if you find yourself in a relationship where you’re up their behind the whole time or vice versa you should probably reevaluate.
Then this gem of a sentence comes in, “But then I realize that those friends [under 23 getting hitched] are going to get knocked up and fat soon sssoooo in retrospect, who really is winning here?” Does this blogger realize that pregnancy means that a human baby is growing inside of a person? Sure they gain weight but I don’t know anyone that thinks pregnancy weight and getting fat are synonymous.
Not everyone has honeymoon babies either. Jeff and I certainly aren’t planning on having kids right off and when we do you better believe I’m going to work hard to get rid of any baby weight that may hang out after delivery. There is something so beautiful about a pregnant woman and her glow. I’ve never looked at a pregnant woman, gawked at her “fat”, and felt better about my bod. That just sounds like an ugly personality to me. Oh and “winning”? I didn’t realize this was a competition. Although if that is how you look at life then I can assure you, you will lose.
Now to the list with my commentary:
1. Get a passport.-I’ll be getting one this month to go on our honeymoon, destination TBD.
2. Find your “thing.”-I’ve been trying to find that “thing” but I’m not going to put my life on hold because I have yet to discover it. Actually I’ve had “things” in the past. I will have “things” in the future. They will constantly change and evolve. I’m excited to see what those “things” may be. Maybe being an awesome wife will be one of my “things.”
3. Make out with a stranger.-I get the whole “YOLO” thing and I may be old fashioned but I like to get to know someone before sticking my tongue down their throat.
4. Adopt a pet.-I adopted a hamster in the 3rd grade. His name was affectionately. Clumsy Carl.
5. Start a band.-I would so start one if I had any musical ability what-so-ever. I suppose I could play the cowbell. More cowbell.
6. Make a cake. Make a second cake. Have your cake and eat it too.-Wait, I thought you didn’t want to be fat?
7. Get a tattoo. It’s more permanent than a marriage.-Would you put a bumper sticker on a Ferrari? Actually I would get a tattoo if I could think of something that had enough meaning that I would enjoy it forever.
8. Explore a new religion.-See above.
9. Start a small business.-Well I sell Thirty One. Does that count?
10.Cut your hair.-Cut my own hair?! Yikes.
11. Date two people at once and see how long it takes to blow up in your face.-Yeah because messing with 2 guys emotions is totes mature and considerate. Another thought, if this was on a male’s blog he would be attacked and called a pig. No doubt there would be comments such as “ugh all men are the same”, “men can’t be trusted”, etc.
12. Build something with your hands.-Do sandcastles count?
13. Accomplish a Pinterest project.-I’ll probably be doing some for my wedding.
14. Join the Peace Corps.-Ain’t nobody got time for that.
15. Disappoint your parents.-Why would I want to do this intentionally? And who hasn’t disappointed their parents at one point or another?
16. Watch GIRLS, over and over again.-Never seen it. Have no desire to. Seems like a waste of time to watch one show over and over again. Especially when busy with the whole Peace Corps thing
17. Eat a jar of Nutella in one sitting.-I’m sure between Jeff and I we have come close. Also, I thought we were trying to not be fat?
18. Make strangers feel uncomfortable in public places.-Done. On a daily basis.
19. Sign up for CrossFit.-Ain’t nobody got time or energy for that. Especially after eating all that cake and Nutella.
20. Hangout naked in front of a window.-What would that accomplish other than rubber necking and awkward exchanges with neighbors? I’ll hang out naked with my husband though!
21. Write your feelings down in a blog.-Hey look what I can do!
22. Be selfish.-I’ve done selfish things sure. But it’s not a way I want to consciously live my life.
23. Come with me to the Philippines for Chinese New Year.-Thanks but no thanks 🙂
Finally I do think young people need to learn what marriage is all about. Today’s culture has the definition of marriage terribly skewed. It’s not to fill a void. It’s not to meet a need. Digging into what marriage really is can be blogged about at another time. By all means lean to be who you are before tying the knot. Different people are ready to be married at different times. Did I mention Jeff is 7 years older than me? Age is just a number. Life is exciting and personally I can’t wait to experience what life has to offer with Jeff by my side. We will have been together 4 years in April and will be husband and wife in May. I will be 24 by then with no regrets and sharing a big jar of Nutella with my husband. Heck maybe we’ll even be naked.
When did weddings become so bride-centric? It’s certainly one thing for reality TV to glorify the bride and her stupid-expensive dress but another when the most recognizable name in wedding dresses runs a commercial like this: 
This mentality needs to stop. Weddings need to stop being glorified as a big party to showcase the bride and her overpriced outfit that she will only wear that one day. Maybe if couples took the time to learn what marriage was all about they wouldn’t jump on the chance for the big party. It’s serious stuff and it includes the bride AND the groom.
Which bride? Certainly not me and all the brides I know. For us it’s about marrying the man of our dreams. The one we want to be with until death do us part. It’s about celebrating our union in the company of our best friends and family. 
Standing Inside The Fire 