While You’re Looking Down, We’re Looking Forward

Every time I see someone write a blog out of complete and utter ignorance especially when it’s painfully obvious that they’re just desperate for someone to validate their own lifestyle choices, I have to fight back vomit.

Hello and welcome to my 2nd post that is a rant inspired by another blog!  My first of course was in response to the “23 Things To Do Instead of Getting Engaged Before You’re 23” and if you’re interested you can check it out here.

Today I’m talking about this post which is titled, “I Look Down On Young Women With Husbands And Kids And I’m Not Sorry.”

First as a disclaimer, I am NOT a mother and don’t plan to be for a few years and yes will be a wife in a few months.

Let’s break it down shall we?  This woman appears to identify herself as a feminist.  More power to her.  I enjoy voting, working for equal pay, and such.  Feminists advocate for equal treatment of women in all areas of life.  Girl Power.

So why is it so wrong for a female to not want that lucrative career, the power, the corporate ladder?  Isn’t it enough that we have that option?  In the 2nd paragraph this blogger seems to have gained some inspiration from the blogger from my last rant in thinking that life is a competition.  She says, “Do people really think that a stay at home mom is really on equal footing with a woman who works and takes care of herself?”  I’m all for female equality I think it’s awesome that some women take advantage of the option to work and pursue the career of their dreams.  I think it’s equally as awesome that some women have the option to tend to the home and raise her children while the husband is the primary breadwinner.  And who says this stay at home mom (SAHM) isn’t taking care of herself?  Yes it happens sometimes.  A mom gets burnt out.  She may stick to the sweats and ponytails and leg shaving plummets do the bottom of the priority list.  Career women can also fall into a rut of not taking care of themselves although it may not be as obvious.  Perhaps more of a mental burnout.

Yes having kids and getting married are milestones.  Dictonary.com defines a milestone as; “a significant event or stage in the life, progress, development, or the like of a person, nation, etc”  I may be alone here but I don’t think things such as baby and bridal showers are thrown to hold up some huge accomplishment.  Yeah most people are able to “get knocked up or find someone to walk down the aisle with.”  Those events are wonderful and happy and should be celebrated, especially since some are denied that luxury (of having children) due to health reasons.  I dare this woman to walk up to a couple who has gone through a handful of miscarriages and say that their newest pregnancy that is expected to live isn’t something to be celebrated.  Humans have celebrations.  They have since the beginning.  Why rain on them?  A baby is a new LIFE.  To me that’s a pretty extraordinary thing to celebrate regardless of the fact that hundreds of thousands of babies are born in the world every single day.  A marriage is a sacred commitment that is well deserving of  a get-together.  Those that get the seriousness of that union understand the reason to celebrate something so awesome.

I would hardly say that getting married and having children is “nothing.”  They still have the option to do anything but they are content in their life as a wife and mother.  Actually, backup a second…I don’t like the word content as it implies settling which I don’t think they’re doing.    I think that option is awesome.  Who knows, one SAHM’s destiny could be to raise the next President.

If this blogger wants to throw a shower for a woman who backpacks on her own through Asia I say go for it.  I wouldn’t want to do anything like that alone.  To me it would be way more rewarding to share the experience with something else.  But that’s just me.  And I can understand the empowerment, self awareness and self discovery one can get from an experience like that.  Remember, we women can do what we want right?  It is 2014 after all.  I don’t think anyone’s going to poo-poo the party idea.  To the blogger, they may poo-poo your lifestyle but hey that’s what you’re doing to a huge population of women.  Women are notorious for making things an unspoken competition and talking behind each other’s backs.  They are talking and they will continue.  But if you’re happy why does it matter?  Why rain on someone else’s parade with judgments?  It’s unbecoming.

If a woman is going for a dream job, wanting to travel, or get a promotion I’m all for it and I wouldn’t think anything less of her for doing so.  I’m so sick of this trend that all (insert demographic here) need to act/think/behave one way in order to win at life.  Success and exceptionality are subjective.  So is happiness.

The next part of the blog made me laugh.  Check it out, “I hear women talk about how ‘hard’ it is to raise kids and manage a household all the time.  I never hear men talk about this.  It’s because women secretly like to talk about how hard managing a household is so they don’t have to explain their lack of real accomplishments.  Men don’t care to ‘manage a household.’ They aren’t conditioned to think stupid things like that are ‘important.'”  First, neither her or I have kids so neither of us really have grounds to comment on the difficulty of raising them.  But from my perspective it certainly doesn’t look easy especially on top of keeping up on household duties.  Also this woman apparently hasn’t talked to many men or understand men too much.  Men don’t typically come right out and talk about things like that but I know many, who if asked directly, would be more than happy to tell you how difficult it is as well as how rewarding it is.  As far as a “real accomplishment” goes, who’s to judge one’s accomplishments?  Especially with people like the blogger who would certainly judge them at the drop of a hat, or diaper bag.  I could spend my life traveling, shattering the glass ceiling, and becoming a professional something.  But I can’t take those things with me when I’m 6 feet under.  What I can do is leave a legacy through my kids that lives on and continues to impact the world for generations.  That’s pretty cool to me.  And if it’s not cool for you, that’s fine!  You know why it’s fine?

Because we are women.

Because we have choices.

Because ‘MERICA.

Ok I got a little excited there.  My point is you won’t further your lifestyle choice by putting down someone else’s.

I have a female PA-C.  She’s young, recently got married and she’s awesome.  I’m glad she has that job because I wouldn’t want it.  I’m glad that I know some female engineers, I certainly couldn’t do what they do.  I’m glad that I’m getting married to a man who will support me and my dreams, and do a load of laundry if I’m pooped from a day of working or going to school.  I look forward to the possibility that I won’t have to work anymore and will be able to make my family and home my main focus.  If that makes me average or mediocre that’s ok.  I know I’ll be in great company.